If College Students Wrote the Bible:

* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning—cold.

* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five—double-spaced and written in a large font.

* New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t cafeteria food.

* Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.

* Reason Cain killed Abel: they were roommates.

* Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: they didn’t want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

One-Liners

1. Give God what’s right — not what’s left.

2. Man’s way leads to a hopeless end — God’s way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma — but never let him be the period.

6. Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a faith-lift.

8. When praying, don’t give God instructions — just report for duty.

9. Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.

10. We don’t change God’s message — His message changes us.

11. The church is prayer conditioned.

12. When God ordains, He sustains.

13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

14. Plan ahead — It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.

15. Most people want to serve God, but only in an advisory position.

16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

17. Exercise daily — walk with the Lord.

18. Never give the devil a ride — he will always want to drive.

19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

21. He who angers you controls you.

22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

23. Give Satan an inch & he’ll be a ruler.

24. Be ye fishers of men — you catch them and He’ll clean them.

25. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

26. Read the Bible — It will scare the hell out of you.